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I lost something last night.
I don’t have full vivid memories about events that took place with her.
I remember small moments and the quirks that made her who she was.
Some of the personality traits she had, literally shaped our family in the same way crashing tides shape the edges of rocky cliffs. That is to say, I feel my family is the way they are and behaves the way we do because of her. She never let things fester or build up to critical mass before expressing them. She would always tell you exactly how she felt. If you asked her a question, you were getting the answer without the recommended dose of sugar on top. I admired this. In a time where the world is politically correct and every answer to every question is over thought, overworked, lacks passion and heart, she was always there to shoot from the hip and answer on pure emotion and feeling.
I remember iced tea without sugar. I remember that little shiny aluminum bread box filled with sweets. I remember spending the night at her house and not sleeping the entire night because the grandfather clock scared the Jesus out of me. I remember no matter what day of the week it was she would wake you up at 6. I remember taking walks to the corner store and around the neighborhood with her. We’d carry giant sticks as protection, as if that would help us if the neighborhood dogs really wanted to eat us.
I remember every time I saw her she made me feel like I was the most special person she had ever met. I remember the genuine hugs she gave me. And the heartfelt goodbye when I left. When she said, “Come back and see me”, it wasn’t just something people say, she meant “please come back and see me”. She may have been fiery and overly protective but once you earned her trust, you were there forever. She would protect you to the ends of the earth.
I’m not angry you left us. It would be selfish to want you to hang around in the condition you were in, for me or anyone else. I refuse to remember you the way I last saw you. I choose to remember the quirks, the snapshots of memories, the hugs, the way you would light up every time I saw you. I’ll remember the walking stick, the bread box, the pecan tree, the garden and most importantly I’ll remember the you. The you in my head not the you I last saw.
I hope the world realizes what its lost.
I love you grandma. See ya after while crocodile.
